Scattered

Written in Spring of 2021.

Scattered, scattered presence…is it even presence at all?

I read through work emails, and I feel my body overwhelm with emotions and feelings. I notice what is happening in my body and I start to say aloud, “I am overwhelmed”, “I am annoyed”, “I am frustrated, “I am angry”, “I am irritated”, “I am mad”. I let it all wash over me. Saying it aloud helps me understand what is here; what is happening. Once I let those feelings flow through my body and then be released, I return back to my homeostasis.

This year is going to be different. But different is not a bad thing. Sure, there will be more moments where the chaotic energy surmounts a given situation and that energy transfers over to others. This arises due to uncertainty that is alive in many of us right now. There is much contemplation currently on how to do any given thing differently. However, the simple fact that it is not happening in the same way is not “bad”. It’s not inherently negative that many things we do automatically will now need to be rethought and done in a new way.

This is an opportunity; an opportunity to do things better, in a way that could allow for growth, expansion, more enjoyment, and seeing things anew. So while it will present challenges to do so many things in society differently, it is not a bad thing in essence.

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Change is a natural part of life. It occurs whether we like it or not. And if I’m being honest, when I look back on my life experiences to date, the moments after big changes brought me closer to myself, to new happiness that I didn’t understand before, or it allowed me to grow and develop in my life. We are not meant to stagnate, to live as we are forever, without growth or movement. We are not static beings. We change, grow, learn, develop, and so does the world around us.

But, what to do with the chaotic energy and panic that ensues by the masses when uncertainty weighs strong, and there is a scatter to put the new pieces we are presented with together?

Doing → Being

Scattering to put something together is not an experience I want, and I’m sure you don’t want it either. Often our minds tell us that we need to scatter in order to get things done, otherwise they won’t, or not to our satisfaction. This is the “do” mindset trying to take over. When we can switch back to a “be” mindset, we can see a situation from the lens of noticing what is.

Here are some reflective questions to help you shift from doing to being:

  • What is the tone or feeling of this situation?
  • What is the emotion that is here?
  • Can I experience this situation from a place of seeing and observing, pausing then creating, instead of reacting, panicking, stressing, and then trying to do?
  • Where can I soften?
  • How can I release and reduce?
  • How can I switch from doing to being?

So, how can I move from scattering to seeing?

When we are seeing a situation without layers of a negative undertone, we can see it truly as it is and without chaos in our being. We can act in connection with ourselves, our intentions, our best interests, and with ease. When we turn to the chaos and it pulls us in, we scatter. We scramble to put pieces together, jamming them with hurry and dis-ease, and our body and mind are deeply off-line and disconnected. When we start this pattern and have fallen into the whirlwind of chaos, it becomes hard to get out, and easier to develop more and more of this energy. Suddenly, a whole day has passed, a week, or an entire month, and your whole being is vibrating in this disconnected panic. What can we do to break ourselves from the whirlwind of chaos and move from scattering to seeing, where we naturally end up from time to time?

I like to call this phase reconnection. It is where you engage in actions to reconnect with yourself and release the dis-ease that has overtaken your body and mind.

Here are those action steps to reconnect:

  • Breathe and notice what is around you. I notice my feet on the ground, the glass of water beside me, the book to my right. I like to engage the senses here and notice something I can see, hear, smell, touch and taste. A walk outside in nature is a great place to do this exercise if you can give yourself that space for reconnection. If you can, try not to attach judgments to these simple observations. For example, “the glass of water beside me that I haven’t drank from in hours” contributes to your cycle of chaos instead of helping to return you to homeostasis.
  • After noticing what is around you, notice what is within you (or emerging from you). State this aloud. For example, “I am mad, I am upset, I am anxious, I am uneasy”. From here, you can share why you are feeling those emotions if helpful. Next, you can remind yourself that you are not your emotions, and they are not you. You can remind yourself that your natural state is calm, joy, and loving energy, and that anything else has stayed past its welcome, due to a lack of observation, connection, and instead feeding into the story that the ego has created in the mind.
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[The ego: The ego is there to protect you, but sometimes it’s turned up too much. When it is trying to protect you at all costs it can sabotage, wage wars, and harbor fear. Therefore, it is meant to protect, but it can also hinder. When to know if your ego is turned up too loud? Ask yourself, is this story or thought something that is disconnecting me from myself and taking me away from what I want and deserve right now, or is this helping me connect to myself and what I want? Often, the answer will be the former. In that case, time to put the ego aside and return to your true self.]

  • You can offer yourself some loving-kindness, some soothing words, such as “You are doing your best”, “I am proud of you”, “You are a good person”, “You are worthy”. And you can shift your attention and energy into appreciation. I appreciate my home because it keeps me safe and warm. When you are in a state of appreciation, you are instantly working to bring yourself back into equilibrium and back into your joy energy of self.
  • Finally, you can do something that connects you to yourself. For me, some of these activities are running, meditating, or putting on my favourite song and dancing. When I do one of these activities, it fuels the fire of my true self, and any fear or ego energy that is hindering dissolves.

What to do when you are picking up on the scattered energy of others or the situation at large?

This is harder to manage in each new situation, but you become better at it in time, and you start to pick up when you are feeding into another’s energy with practice. It’s not challenging because you aren’t able to bring yourself back into homeostasis, but because energy is contagious, and sometimes we can catch and feed into energy without even realizing it, especially when it consumes an environment or group of people around you. It makes it feel like this is the only known reality and you become one with it. But you are not your environment, and you do not need to take on any energy around you simply because it is there in large amounts. Part of this work is creating boundaries for yourself, and that includes energetic boundaries.

  • What do you let into you, and allow to affect you?
  • Are you bringing in unwanted energy without realizing it?

When you notice that you are becoming out of touch with yourself and the calm and centered flowing energy within you, take a minute to stop, pause, and slow down. Our world today is all about the go, go, go, that we don’t even think to stop and reflect before moving into the next part of our day, the next conversation, etc. And when we don’t stop, we start to snowball.

Snowballing is a term that I use to refer to a negative thought, feeling, or energy that without consideration, connection or realization starts to receive more and more attention, until it becomes what we are living and breathing more than any other thought, feeling, or energy. Most often, we do not even know that we are following a specific thought, feeling, or energy, and we often find that we have no intention or interest in following it. When we stop, we allow ourselves a chance to reconnect to ourselves, and we dissolve the possibility of snowballing from happening, which takes us further out of scattering. Once you have stopped, you breathe. Follow the exercises mentioned in the previous paragraph, and understand that you have power over the energy you feed into and the state of how you feel. I choose to feel at ease, in peace and calmness and connected to myself. Choose that in every moment when you stop, during any energy of dis-ease.

Never forget, you have power over your experience.

So all in all, the world will scatter. People will scatter. Energy will be scattered. This is due to highly shocking, distressing or challenging situations, events, or circumstances where uncertainty or fear is heavy and starts to spread like wildfire. However, awareness and choice are powerful tools at your disposal. When negative and unhelpful energy is trying to take you by the neck and pull you into the whirlwind of chaos, stop, say no, redirect, and choose your loving connection within. Scattered energy and feelings will come, but you can choose not to feed into it, and you can choose instead to return back to your homeostasis again.

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Jessie Bri

Jessie Bri

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Writer, teacher, mindfulness facilitator, Reiki practitioner and embodiment & empowerment leader.